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On being 20… or 13

I was just taking our dogs for a walk. It is an absolute must for all of us when it’s a nice day out. I have been sitting most of the day and the dogs have been sleeping out back. Without the walk I would get rather cranky and they would get obnoxious which would make me more cranky. And no one likes cranky. A definite lose-lose for everyone.

So anyhoo, I’m walking the dogs and it occurs to me that inside my head, sometimes I feel like a 20-year old. I remember my dad saying to me one time that he feels like he’s still 20 and I know exactly what he means. I’m obviously not 20 anymore. Perhaps you could say that I am a 20-year old trapped inside a middle-aged body. But I would rather use a more gracious metaphor. Not being able to stay in a 20-year body, which would defy the laws of nature, I am being hosted by a middle-aged body. As if this 20-year old mind is staying at a rather run down hotel that will never have a renovation budget.

My mind still brims with endless possibilities, just like most 20-year olds. However, I am aware that I weigh about 60 pounds more than I did when I was 20. Most people would not say that I look overweight. At least to my face, that is. It’s just that 20-year olds are really really really skinny. Most of them have not fully grown into their bodies yet, and that was definitely the case for me. Nowadays, yes, I have definitely grown, or overgrown, into my body. The metabolism just aint what it used to be.

For instance, I can’t look at a bag of chips without gaining five pounds. Now to be fair, I really can’t just look at a bag of chips without eating the bag of chips, so this looking without eating thing is very hypothetical. You probably know what I mean. I should endeavor to not even think about a bag of chips. Oops…too late.

Being a male, there is, of course, a part of me that still thinks he’s 13. I mean, what male on this planet doesn’t still think that farts and poop, as well as jokes about farts and poop, are funny? Women may also find limited humor in such bodily events, but they are more selective about it. For example, any references to farts or poop while in the proximity of food is generally frowned upon by the fairer sex. This doesn’t seem to slow us men down at all.

However, I must say that while walking the dogs today, they seemed to be real interested in a particular patch of yard. I wasn’t paying attention since I was already working on this blog post in my 20-year old mind. But once I went to investigate, I noticed that they were eating poo! And not just tootsie rolls (a popular slang for cat poop), but something much larger. I was totally grossed out by this, and have now banished them to our mole-infested backyard to let them think about what they did.

So totally gag me gross!! I guess even us men have limits. If you are one of the 37 men on this planet that think farts and poop are totally disgusting, please leave a comment. I like to think that I have an open mind so will gladly hear what you have to say.

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